My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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