i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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