I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's blow job season.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
