Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
