Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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