Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
