My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
