You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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