im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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