you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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