drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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