After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
