This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
