There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
