Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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