fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
