he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
