so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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