So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
