Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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