Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize