i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
