Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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