my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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