Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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