we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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