I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
