i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
