i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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