Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
