i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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