gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Be still, my beating vagina.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
