Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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