last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Send help, water and tortillas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
