you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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