He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
