Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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