Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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