Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
