these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
