shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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