I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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