Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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