I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
