May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
