the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
