Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
