yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
