Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
