His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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