I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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