His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
