I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
