Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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