I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My bed smells like the plague
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
