the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
