he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
