I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
