Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
