do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
