What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
