you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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