I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
