just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
