Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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