If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she smelled like a LAN party
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize