what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
