i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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