Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
