Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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