I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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