exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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