this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
