man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
