question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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