kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Still dying that you shit outside
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
