I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
