Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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