I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
