My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
two words: eviction party
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
