How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
