I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
