I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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