Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
