So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
