I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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