either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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