I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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