Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
