I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
